


Ode to Depression

by stuckybarnes



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Author's POV, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Instability, Original Character - Freeform, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, POV Original Character, Poetry, Slam Poem, Slam Poetry, Spoken Word, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckybarnes/pseuds/stuckybarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a slam poem I wrote about my depression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ode to Depression

it's like.

how's it like?

oh, right 

 

you know something's wrong. you can feel it at night.

but it's been wrong for so long that you're almost afraid to fix it, right?

 

everything has been so bleak, so _slow,_ so muted

and you're wondering when your mind became so damn polluted

you have no motivation or want to resolve the issue

and your want to survive is starting to die of disuse

 

it's like knowing you should be happy, and knowing you have color

but only liking all the things that are duller

and people love you, and you love them too

but you feel like you might just be missing a screw

 

you've lost connection to the things and people you love

to the point where you feel guilty for it 

and you have that issue but you're too scared to speak of it

because you can't stop it, you don't know why you feel like this.

you feel like all those stars just can't grant your wish

 

you' lost motivation to interact with others

you've lost attachment to talk with loved ones

you lost attachment to yourself

and lastly, you've lost your attachment to eating the food on the shelf

 

you should've expected it, you suppose.

i mean, that's how it works in this sort of prose -

your lack of motivation gets worse and worse

until you're too small to fit into any of your clothes

 

and this is why you've lost 15 pounds this summer.

and you don't think things can get any glummer

because your hip bones jut out and your wrists are bony

and your cheeks are drawn and your knees look too knobby

 

and your hands shake from whatever this monster is

and you feel like what's wrong with you is becoming a quiz

 

you look like a _ghost_ , boy

are you okay, boy?

you almost faint from exhaustion but that's okay, boy

because at least you'll be able to sleep through today, boy

 

your selected family member gets worried, finally,

and you learn that this is all a symptom of depression, actually.

 

 you feel relieved there's a name to this now

that it isn't your fault that you feel so down

 it  hurts to get out of bed and it feels like

 you've run a marathon just going into town.

 

and sometimes you find yourself looking down out of a window

 and staring at the hard slab of concrete

far down below with a look of envy and longing

and that's the issue that you keep prolonging

 

you are cold and you are tired

something was wrong when you were wired

and living is the hard part.

 dying is the thing that feels easy to your heart

 

because you feel so unimportant among all of the other beautiful things

 and you feel so tiny up against the stars and the wings

 

and you wish you could just

hit the concrete

like a drumbeat

and just sleep

 

but, god, you still feel so wrong 

your tell-tale heart won't speak anymore

and you feel like you already have one foot out the door

and it feels like there's no point anymore

and you wonder why living is such a damn chore

 

so you try and you cry but you don't know why

you lost that ability to fly so high

 

so you don't find reasons to wake up anymore. 

and accept that everything is a chore and a bore

you go through life without really living. 

because maybe you kind of forgot what that feels like - living.

 

you know?

 

do you know?

 

but remember.

 

you didn't see shit.

 

because depression is stigmatized

and depression is ostracized

because depression isn't real, after all, no, of course not.

the depressed 80% of the U.S. are dying for other reasons, **_not_**.

 

 so remember.

 

you didn't see shit.


End file.
